Do you and your husband (or wife) have angry arguments that go nowhere? Do you find yourself constantly battling over the smallest issues only to develop an argument about bigger issues?
In every marriage, and like many other woman, there are time that all you really want is be accepted and loved, but it seems that the more you tried, it the further you moved apart from your loved ones and your needs are not fulfilled.
Although you might feel frustrated, do not blame yourself or your husband for being insensitive, incapable or having bad intentions.
Almost every couple that has end in divorce has started with love, acceptance, patience, romance and big dreams. Something has damaged these good qualities and the good intentions we all had when we have honestly took our vows.
Every new fresh traditional marriage counseling that has just ended his schooling will tell you that you need to learn how to communicate. Ha… every child might tell you that, it is a common knowledge. You can find (good, by the way) advice in almost every book that deals with relationships, in almost every counseling television show, in the radio, and everywhere actually.
Yet, communication skills might not solve your marriage (or relationship in general) solely.
Do not get me wrong, communication skills are very important so that you and your husband could really move forward but the most important thing is, well - what it is that you are talking about!
You see? Only talking about your emotions in the pattern of "I feel this way, when you do this" in order to explain yourself or using the reflection technique (in order to show your partner what have your understood from what she/he might be saying), might only lead you to better way of arguing.
You may probably find yourself still trying to change each other's minds only that you will do it in a more polite manner. Your disagreements might just say the same, and so will your emotions about not being accepted, approved or loved.
This is a very disappointing result for the time, effort and money that you have invested in working on your communication skills in the first place.
What is the solution then?
Well it is very simple actually.
W hat you need to do is to start talking about things like the role each one of you have in this relationship, about your priorities, your common values, and the decision making mechanisms you will use to make decisions on different issues.
By doing this you can decrease the arguments to zero, and to build the ground for love, acceptance, approval and affection.
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Good luck, be patience, you can do it!<br />
